Monday, November 28, 2016

Thoughts for your Thought

  I had my first baby dream (between 1 and 5am) on the morning of November 23rd. We had a baby boy. Michael wasn't in the dream though. I was in Gainesville with my mom, Jessica, Zach, Jacquie and one of their friends (Taylor Lautner?) and it was Halloween again. Although my baby was only a week old and by Halloween next year he, or she, will really be almost 4 months. I stayed home by myself while the baby slept. Aunt Paula was holding him while he had an explosive poopy diaper, but I didn't mind cleaning it up. Oooh I love him so much already and am picturing him laying on the floor in his diaper while I kiss him and my hair falls in his face and he smiles a lot with his eyes closed and makes some laughing noises.

Last Tuesday, one of the girls at work asked what I thought I was having, but I told her that I don't have enough "feeling" about stuff like that to know. She is predicting that we will have a boy (and also predicted the genders for the four other growing babies on our shift!) I told her that Michael wants a boy, partly because he doesn't want me trying to sneak Peyton and Helena's hand me downs into Target bags when I come back from Gainesville- although Peyton's had a lot of cute outfits. But buying our own kid's clothes is something I really want to do with Michael. He won't let me buy anymore clothes until closer to time. His reason is "in case we have a fat baby that doesn't fit into the first 20 outfits we buy". I got upset on Sunday when he wouldn't let me buy a gender neutral Halloween 3-month shirt (orange with the cute jack-o-lantern face) at Kohl's. It was only three dollars! I sulked. So the rule should just be that I can't buy any holiday clothes, but picking out specific boy or girl clothes would be more fun than always asking myself "is this gender neutral enough?" Yes, the super cute long john jammies with little gray/silver stars all over them definitely were! But I wasn't allowed to buy those either. I'll put them on my Christmas list! 
Michael's progress with new light/paddle fan and added beadboard. Almost done!
  So back to the question: (Oh, also another girl at work asked if my pregnancy was planned and I quickly answered, "Yes, it definitely was! We've been trying since Christmas.")  Michael also thinks a boy may be easier to raise (I've heard that's true for little kids- aside from getting peed in the face when changing a diaper) and maybe also less drama when they are teenagers? Only one way to find out. I know I was too very dramatic when I was growing up. Even all the way up until summer 2009, when I turned 22! Sheesh. And he says a boy would be less money since we wouldn't have to pay for a wedding. Whatever! Because of my dream I would love a boy and I keep thinking of the super cute pictures I took of James at the beach in April 2012 when he was about 16 months. However I also keep trying to be strongly not caring if it's a boy or a girl because I don't want to get my hopes up for one and then am like "oh, okay" when they tell us in February what Chip is. I just want a healthy baby that we get to keep for 80-90 years!!

  The picture of Sasha in that little robe is one of the few things I have been able to buy before Michael said no more. It's sized for 12 months, but would look cute on a smaller baby just to wrap him all up. I also got a mesh bag of three burp clothes, two which have bunny designs. The first thing I bought was a three piece set with a sheep on the front and back, and the third piece says "I love Mommy" on the front. Yep! I had to get that. I hug it when I see it hanging up in the closet. Oooohh, baby!! I wish I was eight months pregnant already. Come on, July!


Written 9/26/16 while in Naples: Dear Baby Gore,
I want you to know how much I love you. I cried again tonight (while reading the blog "Barren to Beautiful") because you are not here yet and I miss your brother or sister (Shrimp) so much. But I also cry just thinking about how happy we will be when God introduces us on the positive pregnancy test, and finally when we hold you in our arms for the first time. I think of you every day, but sometimes I try not to just because that makes each day seem too long while we have to keep waiting and waiting. But I know God is making you perfect for us. He is timing it so you arrive exactly when we need you, even though I felt like we need you here already. I want to be such a good mommy for you. I have bought you some books already. Some you won't be able to use until you are older, but maybe I can read them to you when you're in my tummy and you can hear my voice. You'll get to hear all the Teletype details and bad guy secrets that I'm not allowed to tell Daddy about. That will be fun for us. Goodnight baby. I love you. 

  ..When I get mad and yell at the clouds, telling God that He is wrong and His timing is off, He will stand up, quickly reminding me that I am small, and firmly tell me in a calm, but deep thundering voice that knocks me off my feet with a gust of warm wind, "No. You are just a silly human with a pea-sized brain. You are wrong." Then gently add, "Also I love you."
  We were supposed to be able to see Chip today (11/28).  Michael left work early and we went to the first doctor's appointment (I'm 9 weeks and 1 day now) but the sonogram nurse left early, so we had to reschedule for Friday morning. My doctor tried the Doppler device on my stomach to see if she could at least let us hear a heartbeat, but it was just a lot of static from my breathing. Lindsey looked up that the heartbeat is not usually able to be heard on a Doppler until between 10-12 weeks. I'm jealous that she's already had three sonograms done for her 9 week baby! Oh well, out time will come. :)

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