Monday, August 22, 2016

Fire and Joy

  I'm really loving the blog Fire and Joy again right now, previously called We Live Young. I can look at and study Nirrimi's pictures for a good minute before scrolling down to the next one. Each photo holds such a strong story. Two quotes I love that she wrote on her blog over the years are "Life is moving too fast to get caught up in negativity." (This is a big one for me, especially now in our semi-teensy struggle to get pregnant.) And the other is, "I said yes because life is richer when I face my fears." Secretly I feel like photography is one of my fears, mainly when a non-relative asks me to take pictures for them. I have turned down offers for portraits before. I believe a co-worker (Jonathan, and his now-wife, Brittany) asked me to take their wedding pictures last year. However, I declined because that is such an important day. I love the pictures I took for my brother's wedding (part 1 here & part 2 here), but that was a small family ceremony so it wasn't a big deal when I asked them to kiss again or walk down the aisle a second time because the first shots were blurry. I just need more experience, and right now I am happy to gain it. Other times taking, editing, and blogging the pictures seems like such daunting and time-consuming tasks, especially since I already have a full time job. I just need to find the balance in that- as well as everything else.

  Nirrimi and her boyfriend, Bee, remind me of us. I noticed that yesterday while reading what she writes so poetically without rhyming. How he will comfort her when she's sad and if she gets in a bad mood, he'll stay positive and remind her to make it a good day and enjoy their time together. Saturday night, while I was helping Michael with the pretty blue rug he bought to put under the dining room table that he built last week, I became overwhelmed with sadness. I walked over to him and began crying into his shoulder. Shortly before that I had taken another pregnancy test and it was still negative. I kept getting my hopes up, since it had been eight days since the last time I took a test. I was even more hopeful that one would be positive and I'd see the plus sign. I chose to be hopeful over the past three and a half weeks instead of assuming negatively. I had been thinking at work about how I'd decorate the dining room before Michael got home from work. But that quickly faded and this time hurt more than just confusing disappointment. He held me as long as I needed him to and rubbed his hand over my back.  He told me that we'll have a baby soon and assured me there is nothing wrong with me. I don't like not knowing why my body isn't making the healthy baby that we want after trying since Christmas. Isn't that why it's called the reproductive system? He even told me that we can adopt Mikaella (the 14 year old girl we sponsor in the Philippines). I know he said that just to make me laugh, but it was still a nice thought.

  Two more Nirrimi quotes to close my writing:
"Little things go wrong sometimes, but mostly life is too full and busy and easy to be sad." // "This life thing is quite a whirlwind and I'm just glad we're there to hold each other's hands through it all."
 ~ ✩ ✬ ✭ ✬ ✩ ☆ ✩ ✬ ✭ ✬ ✩ ☆ ✩ ✬ ✭ ✬ ✩ ☆ ~
 These pictures are my favorite. There are so many good ones and I can't believe none of these were my favorite in April 2012 when we had the photo shoot. She is my favorite person to take pictures of because she is so creative in her posing and knows how to use her body. I miss this. You can see the original post here and two more edits here.

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